I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
