shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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