i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
