WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
