The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
time to smoke my breakfast
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
