I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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