Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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