Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
