I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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