I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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