fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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