Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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