You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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