I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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