Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
