but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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