Too much gin, very little bucket
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
