I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Bring me that man meat
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
