I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
