You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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