Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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