How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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