it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
