oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
