Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
