If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
