dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Too much gin, very little bucket
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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