wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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