I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
