He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
