for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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