I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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