The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
