Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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