My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
