Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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