I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
