I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need moral support for this bender
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
