How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
