You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
