Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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