Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
