i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
