So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
