How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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