so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
