I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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