He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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