Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
