We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
