She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
