Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
