dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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