why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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