Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
